Emotional Eating

I have come to the conclusion that I am an emotional eater. Since starting this 12wbt journy, I have been able to curb most of this down. Especially when my emotions are happy, or even frustrated and grumpy. But what I have found to be my weakness is worry and stress over my Husband being very sick. He had his sleeve surgery a few weeks back, and I was prepared for that, I knew I would be stressed out and worried and I took steps to make sure I could cope. I armed myself with lots of healthy snacks and gave myself no excuses.

Three days ago, I came home from walking 6k in a city to bay fun run, and found Hubby curled in a ball crying and screaming in pain. After checking his Temp at 38.8 and calling the on call nurse, I took him up to the hospital. This was Sunday afternoon. They took blood and found his liver was not functioning well, and he had infection indicators in his blood. More tests done, showed that there was no damage to his new sleeve, which was good news. ER called his surgeon who wanted him transferred to Ashford so he could look after him.

They found a very large cyst on his liver, he had Jaundice, and an infection. Monday at 12pm they took him in for an ultrasound. 3 hours later, I am stressing as I have not as yet seen him back. I ask the nurses what is going on and they call through. They tell me he has been in to have minor surgery to lance and insert a drain in to clear away infected dead blood. When he got back he was in so much pain, shivering and vomiting. His Temp was up to 39.9.  He asked me to help him to the toilet. The nurses were out of the room, I got him up and into the toilet, he finished his wee, then became very dizzy. His eyes rolled back, all I could think to do was pin him up against a wall and call out for help. (he weighs 180kgs) Nurse came in and called an emergency. About 10 people came running. It was really scary, they got me out of the room and got him seated and did lots of tests. It was all I could do not to burst out in tears. I did cry a bit but pulled myself together cause I didn't want him to see I was worried.

He was really sick, he was yellow, and he could hardly string a sentence together. Just rolling over in bed took all his energy. When I finally left there, it was really late, I hadn't eaten since the morning and I was just balling driving home.

I succumbed to emotional eating. I got KFC on the way home, A LOT of KFC. It was an all stars box, had a bit of everything in it for $11, including a drink (full of sugar). Even with my band I managed to eat it all, except the wrap, but I ate the chicken inside it. THEN... I found the show bag we bought for Hubbys parents (charlesworth) and took out the bag of lollies and a bag of chocolate coated apricot bits. I ate all of that too. But I stopped crying, and I felt better emotionally. I felt really stupid and weak for doing it.

I had a light bulb moment and realized that I am human, and this may happen from time to time. I will not beat myself up about it, but I will not ruin all my hard work either. So I planned for today. I knew it might be a rough day emotionally and I made sure I had healthy snacks with me, and dinner ready to prepare when I got home.

I am happy with myself, I did it. Today was almost as rough emotionally as yesterday, Hubby was put into High dependency ward, as his kidneys were not functioning normally and Dr wanted him kept watch closely. He is still so sick, so weak and so down trodden. It is so hard to watch your loved one in such a way. I think he was happy for me to go home in the end today, as I was treating him like he was wrapped in cotton wool.

BUT - Tomorrow is a new day, Today I stayed under my calorie limit, Tomorrow I will go in prepared for anything and try to do a training session before I leave. I CAN DO THIS! It was a small set back, I know what it was and I am back on the horse.

Thanks for reading.